The Tale of Two Cities and other ramblings

The Tale of Two Cities

I just returned from IPE10, which for the uninitiated, stands for International Poultry Expo 2010, which as always, was held in Atlanta, Georgia.  First a little bit about Atlanta.  It is a great city, as cities go.  All I really have to compare it to is Dallas and it is a LOT like Dallas, with a couple of notable exceptions.

First, the area is a whole lot prettier than Big D.  I mean, there are actual HILLS around and through the city and TREES!  Second, there is an actual RIVER running through the city.  The operable word is RUNNING, not like the sluggish meandering of the Trinity River, slowly glugging just west of downtown Dallas, replete with the occasional body or floating tire.  The third difference is the air quality.  I have never been to Atlanta in the summer, but Dallas in the winter has horrible air.  There is a condition known as an inversion that traps polluted air over the city for all of us to help filter out all the impurities using our lungs as filters.  We are (or in my case WERE) all about helping our city.  I am happy to say that I moved to where I no longer have to SEE the air before I breathe it.  I was taught in school that air was supposed to be a “colorless and odorless gas.”  Fat chance finding that in Dallas.

Unfortunately, the two cities are more alike than I would like.  TRAFFIC stands out as a VERY common denominator between the two piles of concrete and glass.  Since I was a non-native driver in Atlanta this time I did not have the luxury of “taking the back roads” to where I needed to go, which I was VERY good at when I lived in Dallas.  Since all I had guiding me was “Alice”, the Australian voice of my GPS, I pretty much had to go where she said go.  There is a work around trick for this situation though.  You can change your settings from “fastest” to “shortest.”  This works well as often the shortest is off the main drag and more along the lines of back streets.

BTW, don’t try this in the country of north Alabama. On the way to IPE10 (don’t you feel so cool knowing what that means now?) I had to deliver product to a poultry farm north of Tuscaloosa.  I did not realize I had Alice programmed for “shortest” distance.  Everything was going great until she “suggested” I take a dirt road.  I say suggested as I refuse to take orders from any woman (my wife excluded – love you babe) even IF she has a voice like Alice.  But I digress.  Before telling you how THAT worked out, let me remind you, gentle reader, that it has been a “more than a little damper than usual” winter in the south.

So, I slowly turned off the asphalt road onto the red mud and gravel road.  The first hundred yards or so were okay, until I went down a slight decline and noticed a situation just over the next rise.  I say situation since what I actually saw were ruts in the road that would have challenged by four wheel drive TRACTOR!  What was Alice thinking?  Okay, I took a deep breath and decided to try another way, regardless of what “Alice” had to say.  So, since the “road” was too narrow to turn around, I had to back out the way I came in.  This sounded good in theory, until I came to the “little decline” that I came down on the way in.  Now the “decline” was a stinkin’ INCLINE, which when it is covered with red mud and, now I noticed, not THAT much gravel, became a significant challenge.  So, since speed is supposed to be your friend, I got a good running start at the hill and slipped oh so close over toward the ditch.   Quick stop, drop the truck into drive and back the way I came.  Okay, I figured I just needed to be a “little” further to the other side of the road.  Repeat the above procedure, only on the other side of the road.  Not THAT far over!  Slam on the brakes and repeat the retreat.

Okay, I look at my cell phone, no signal.  After all I am on the north side of NOWHERE!  So, I walked back to the “scene of the crime” to see what I was looking at.  As it turns out there was a solid path down the road IF I could stay on it.  I quickly decided that speed was now not my friend but my enemy.  So, slowly I backed up, this time carefully staying on the “straight and OH so narrow” path.  Okay, so I got back to the road and made it to the farm for the delivery.  The farmers only comment, after detailing the road I had tried to take, was to look over at my truck and comment, “I really wouldn’t try that road, this time of year, until I was driving a tracked vehicle.”  You have to love the wisdom of the woods.  😉

Well I seem to have strayed from my appointed path, but then that’s the fun of a blog like this.  It reminds me of a comment Justine Wilson, renowned Cajun comic, made several times.  He may have only said it once, but I played the record LOTS of times. He said, “Tonight I want to tell you stories that I haven’t heard in a long time and I want to hear them again, and I want to tell you stories I’ve never heard and want to hear something new.”  I guess that is my way of saying that every time I start one of these entries I really don’t know where I’m going or where it will end up.  I don’t have an Alice for writing. But I hope you enjoy these little missives and next time I will get back to talking about gardening and growing, and fertilizer and other s*it like that.  😉